The Hardy Boys, and other forms of child abuse

Akira? No, the Hardy Boys.Book update: My agent, Kristin, has the latest version of The Panama Hotel in her hot little hands. (I actually haven’t seen Kristin's hands. For all I know she could have mitts the size of Andre the Giant’s, but you know what I mean). I made significant edits, killed a couple of chapters and wrote four new ones. Tightened up the ending to boot. Now I’m working on alternative titles as we head towards a mid-July submission window.

After years of hearing my daughter chirp “why do we need books when we have a perfectly good TV?” it’s finally happened. My daughter is reading. Not for a crappy book report. Not because it’s Thursday and everyone in the 6th grade goes to the library on Thursday. She’s reading for the fun of it. It’s officially summer, and she’s still reading––for pleasure. I’m not sure, but my daughter reading is probably one of the signs of the apocalypse. As she cracks the cover of Kevin Brooks’ YA novel, Kissing the Rain, I swear I can hear this Bergman-like voice booming “and the seventh seal was rent asunder.”

Why is she reading? Because her father is a writer? I wish. She’s reading because there’s a rich YA section at the bookstore that she can get lost in.

Think about it. What did you read when you were a kid? What was there?

Here’s my childhood highlights:

The Hardy Boys––I couldn’t get through a single book. They looked so clean-cut it frightened me. These were the kind of kids Betty Crocker would give birth to via planned caesarean so she could get back to her casseroles. I know, they’ve recently sent Frank & Joe Hardy to Starsky & Hutch’s stylist in a ham-handed attempt to make them “cool”—but I still ain’t buying it.

Judy Blume––I read a bunch. To this day, I’m not sure if I actually liked her books or was merely surfing them to get to those parts that seemed salacious to my 4th grade sensibilities. Maybe it was simply because her books were chronically banned for touching on such controversial subjects as (gasp) menstruation.

The Anarchist Cookbook––Speaking of banned books, this was banned to the display shelf. My local library met censors halfway, putting this counter-culture classic behind the front desk––but within eyesight of every curious 5th grader. You couldn’t check it out, but you could “look at it” within the confines of the library. (Hey, I didn’t make the rules). Among the homespun recipes for explosives, I remember descriptions on how to get high off banana peels. Never tried it but if someone out there has, by all means set that glass pipe down and let us know how it went.

Encyclopedia Brown––I don’t know how this guy slipped under the wire of suspicion that kept the Hardy Boys out of my reading list, but he did. Must have been the “how’d he do it” aspect of each story. My favorite was the one about how a man befuddled a guard-dog trained to chomp down on an intruder’s sleeve––by robbing a place naked. Sure, Judy Blume gets banned, while ‘Cyclopedia here is busting al fresco felons.
 
The Classics––Treasure Island, Robinson Crusoe, Tom Sawyer, et al. I read some and snoozed through others. Mainly due to my perception that as classics, these were somehow meant to educate rather then entertain. I know, this is my own baggage I brought to the party as a young reader. These books just seemed like summer school for me––something that was probably good for you, but unwanted. Like eating spinach, or getting booster shots. I read a few, grudgingly.

Comic Books––I binged on comics (Marvel & DC) like Kirstie Alley at a puddin’ eating contest. The UPS man delivered them by the hundreds, courtesy of my garage-sailing grandma. I’d even pluck tin cans from the side of the road, turning them in for their deposit (5¢ each) to buy dozens each month.

Ah, the good ol’ days. (Insert wistful, faraway gaze here…)

What were your grade school reads? What did you love? (Or hate).

Comments

[bekbek]

I watched the Hardy Boys TV show, which got me hooked on the books. I read Nancy Drew, too, and am terrified to look at them now and reflect on the child I once was.

But I read Lord of the Rings several times, even after a teacher took The Return of the King away from me because it was "too old for me," and then had to give it back when I came to school with a note from my parents stating that I was allowed to read ANYTHING I damned well pleased.

Life was good. But then, we didn't have cable.

[Adam Hurtubise]

I loved the Hardy Boys, and Encyclopedia Brown, and Judy Blume.

Adam

[m.g. tarquini]

My son loves Judy Blume. My daughter loves Encyclopedia Brown.

Go figure.

[Jaye Wells]

I loved the Beverly Cleary books about Romona and her sister Beezus. But I read everything: choose your own adventure, CS Lewis, Babysitters' Club, Judy Blume. When I was in early elementary school I loved the Sweet Pickles books. I found a collection on eBay and now they're my son's favorite books.

[jamie]

Did anyone read John Christopher's Tripod Series?

The White Mountains/ the City of Gold and Lead/ the Pool of Fire

I loved those books in the 5th grade.

[Maryke]

I cried every time I read 'Where the Red Fern Grows' and 'Bridge to Terebithia'. I hate that they turned 'Bridge to Terebithia' into this huge, fantasy movie. It wasn't anything like that and I wish they had stayed true to the story instead of going for the Hollywood glitz.

[Peggy]

I was a voracious reader as a kid (still am). I went though a set of classics my parents had at home (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Robinson Crusoe, etc.) and loved my garage-sale set of Nancy Drew. I went through a Judy Blume phase and a Laura Ingalls Wilder phase, and loved "Charlotte's Web" and "Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH." What made me happy was my local public library - my parents were big on library visits and let me check out pretty much anything I wanted. I read lots of science fiction and murder mysteries that were probably meant for "adults." It was wonderful.

[Jennifer]

OMG THANK YOU! I so forgot that encyclopedia brown even existed. I cannot believe I remember that. Ok, now I feel old. I loved Judy Blume -- but maybe for the same reason you gave. I hated Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys but loved Trixi Belden (go figure) I always thought I'd grow up and marry Jim. As a real little I liked the OZ books, Pippi and Mrs. Pigglewiggle. And my favorite book at nine -- The World According To Garp (I know not kid material) I likely didn't even get half of it then but I remember loving it. God I loved so many books -- still do. Thanks for the walk down memory lane. This is absolutely my favorite post of the day. (and I read an almost obscene amount of blogs).

[Nancy]

I loved Choose Your Own Adventure books. I think I found all that page-flipping and place-holding very entertaining. :) I also remember reading a few books by Christopher Pike.

[jamie]

Oh, and I forgot The Great Brain. I loved those books too.

[sam]

I loved to read the nancy drew and hardy boy books. Some of my favorites were when they combined together to solve mysteries. I also liked Romano books.